A letter, it isnt my best work but its okay.

A letter to myself.

Why? 
Why do you do this to yourself?
Why do you fall in and out of love?
Why must you feel so hard, but hurt so bad?

Your heart, it yearns for love, but it rejects it when it could be hurt.
"Cut, we'll feel better."
But will i ever?
Because suddenly im alone. 
And i have to re-adjust to the coldness of loneliness. 

I know her well.
She does too. 
Never did i expect to see her every two weeks.

"Smoke, you know you want too."
It feels insane to hear this from your own brain.
The same that tried to get you out of the bottomless pit of depression.
Is the same on trying to get me to stop fighting.

How can something so loving,
Hate itself so dearly?