i'm so stressed i can't even

life seemed to be going so so well less than an hour ago and now i feel HORRIBLE. i am anxious over scholarships because if i don't get a full scholarship i'm basically screwed. we can barely afford to pay our fucking water bill. i HAVE to get a job to help my mom i literally have to. but everywhere keeps rejecting me. idc i'm going to apply everywhere i can now, even mcdonalds. cause i can't. it's eating me up inside that i'm not helping my mom. i'm not doing anything. i'm literally worthless. and to top it all fucking off, my former fp was online a few seconds ago. and i thought i had finally completely moved past that but it's my biggest trigger.

oh wait. i just remembered i have therapy tomorrow. and that means i can wake up later. nvmmmm :3 everything is cool now!! like not super cool but relatively cool B) i think i'm gonna apply for a job at hot topic but i'll have to ask my mom first! i'd rather have a walking distance job but that's really hard to get for some reason smh. either hot topic or this one other starbucks that's hiring, which i can walk to even tho it takes me a while :)

i am praying to the gods rn that i get into the college program, and a summer program, and get the internship. i am okay with any of those but if i could get all of them i would be beyond thankful and so so lucky. thank you.

i'm waking up and doing my makeup tomorrow idec.