Letter to .., something he will never see.

Dear Xio,

Here is the aftermath of our undoing.

"He doesnt love you anymore."
I hear my brain say, but surely im wrong.
"He thinks your insufferable."
Impossible, i reply back.
If he did,he would have left me.

For those 24 single hours, i was happy being with you.
For that day, where we exchanged love and respect, i couldnt have been happier.
But when you decided you had enough, my world crashed down.
Because you left me.
The only person who really loved me for me,
Left.

"He doesnt love you anymore."
I hear it say again, my eyes scanned over that text over a thousand times by now.
But i still cant seem to really read it.
"IM not ready."
Seems to sound more like,
"You are a failure."

"This is my fault" 
Sounds like,
"Its your fault."
My brain doesnt understand why youve left me.
I dont think i ever will.

Was this a cruel joke you played on me?
Were you just not thinking when you asked me,
"Kai will you be my boyfriend?"

I answered yes without hesitation.
I Answered "Yes!" without thinking.
I went in a relationship after just being out of one.

Number fifteen.
You are the fifteenth person ive dated.
But yet ive realized,
You were the second ive been in love with.

Now you dont love me.
And im getting worse.
Ive fallen into a hole of depression and self harm.
Oh my tired prince, how could you do this to me?
How could you do this?

Ive done so much worse than i have in the past.
I thought i told you this my love?
Yet ill wait for you too love me back.
Even though you never will. .

From, the boy who waits for you to love him back, Kai.