nothing means anything just because i made it so

there are times when it feels im watching my life through a movie. i catch myself analyzing details of my day and explain how its foreshadowing for the big conclusion. every step i take means something, perfectly planned out by the director that just couldnt have been a coincidence or a mistake. maybe its my delusions that kick in, but everything is poetic to me. everything has an underlying, symbolic meaning that i need to get to the bottom of. if i end the movie too early then we'll never know, so i assume i should just sit here and overanalyze my life until i cant breathe and go so crazy that i bang my head on the desk in a dramatic outburst. maybe its ocd or maybe its the mood disorder.