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mmm i guess my mom didnt feel like going to the thrift with me todya. shes been in her room most of the day... ntm im not feeling too great. i feel like im always being judged in some way or another.. by almost everyone... for the things i like or the things i do or what i indulge in. advertently or inadvertently it always feels like someone else feels theyre above me in some way... or has better morals than i do. maybe thats the truth tbh.. maybe i am a bad or desensitized person? or maybe i put my time and interest into the wrong things? id rather not go into detail because its not like its appropriate but something that happens in something i was indulging in was problematic but it didnt (at least so far) seem like it was done for the purpose of the audience to .... like get off on it in that way essencially. like it was done for purpose of the story. maybe its just cus it couldve never happened at all/didnt have to happen? so it comes off as wreckless and inconsiderate. idk. i need somewhere to let my thoughts out cus im unsure otherwise. its just embarrassing... it also just like makes me not want to show anyone anything i find fun or interesting? which always always leads me to feeling bitter about it. always. its hard.to help that feeling in a sense... it just feels so unfair. thats always my gripe with anything in the world isnt it. unfairness. i hate how i always feel judged. and i cant convince my brain otherwise