help

hey what's up. 

life is so fucking complicated. why cant people who are on the same brainwave as you use interact with your life and the people who aren't don't further complicate it?

life is fine its just its so easy to hurt people. its so easy for people to become dissatisfied and i hate doing that. i hate letting people down and i dont really help myself because i get peoples hopes up easily. 

were we even good together? i mean id say so. id say we had a lot of fun and i personally learned a lot from you. but relationships, partnerships go both ways. how did you feel? did you feel like you couldnt come to me with your issues? because i felt like i could come to you. i tried to be there for you. i was there with you every minute during her passing, during your hardships. but maybe i was there too much. we couldnt grow as people right? so when do you decide to reevaluate things and see if its worth another shot? 

its easier to just move on, right? why go back in the past and repeat your same mistakes right? thats what you said. all i was, was a mistake, right? its so hard to move on. forget the way that person made you feel. ignore the feeling of how you could be together again. life is so short. why not just try. idk im dumb

im cool, im fine. its just i want to be happy and the way im the most happiest is by making those around me happy. this post was supposed to help me realize how i really feel but it hasentttt. im okay if we dont end up together, ive moved on. i have gotten over that feeing for a good 8 months now. i realize now that you did really mean something to me. i do still think about you and i do still want to be here for you. im glad i was able to make a connection like that in my life already. 

HELPPPPPP REEEEEE. i just wannnan be happpypypppypypyppy. yeehaw. im a cowgirl. lets just be happy okay? life is life. im doing what right for me. everything wil work out in the end. schools almost do,ne. i got this. 

be happy <3

edit: i need to for once in my fucking life stop lying to myself by saying that me and him are good together. like in the last entry; when i say "its not rlly specific, we;re just happy together" like that is a red flag. why am i so oblivious sometimes. its so easy to daydream and fantasize life. just snap out of it and look infront of you. i could avoid so much confusion and hurt by just being honest with myself. its just i dont like hurting people. gotta get over that. still, be happy :)