brainfarts, period, and insecurities

Today I was supposed to do a lesson with 12th graders, where I would show them some basics of photoshop. However, what I forgot about, is that I tend to get incredibly insecure when I'm talking with other people. I get this feeling that I am wasting their time. In this case this was unnecessary because I had been asked by that teacher to do this.

However, that did not stop me from getting more and more anxious as I kept showing things to the students. I'm glad I had the foresight to prepare a list of things I wanted to show them, however, I wish I'd taken the time to prepare a specific plan for each thing on the list, instead of just winging it. On the last thing I needed to show them, I was about to explain how it worked, when my brain suddenly stopped working. I was unable to form a coherent thought about how to explain the tool to them. In the end I stumbled through a not very good example.

It did not help much that a professor had visited today and he was also in the room as I was doing the lesson. I also hadn't had time to eat all the snacks I'd brought with me for lunch. Lastly, my period came today. I should have prepared myself better considering I knew this might happen.

After that period ended, I stayed in the computer room with one of the students in order to help her with what she was working on. I'm definitely more comfortable working one-to-one with the students, rather than explaining something to the whole class. It was very reassuring to see her be excited over some of the techniques I showed her.

I've had time to think this over since it happened. I don't know why I put this pressure on myself after something has happened. Not only do I overthink before something important, but also after as well.

But, I am trying to stay on the positive interaction that I had with the student at the end of the school day. Also, I got a lot of positive feedback from the class's teacher, who was also in the room with me during my lesson. So, if I can be more confident in myself and prepared for the lesson, I should be perfectly fine.

As a closing note, I am listening to a very calming 1h loop of the theme song from Howl's Moving Caslte.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=semp2yGKmsk&list=PLv8qZSOP_uonTTXtqEOfXWHc0xTqIYOLw&index=4