Change

A very consistent fascination of mine is change & documentation in general

I journal often and take lots of silly little photos with my silly little cameras & try to preserve my life

I think it started when I realized how oddly bothered I was that I couldn't look back into my memory and recall exactly what I was doing on September 21st, 2021. I am upset by the way days blur together & fall away, and it takes distinct moments for me to realize that hey!! a lot has begun to change without my noticing. And it's bad to get obsessed with that, so I'm trying not to lose my mind. Some days I am content to let disappear. 

Well, it is three months into the new year 2023, and I've already faced more change than I could have dreamed. Someone I called for hours every day and could never imagine living without isn't  remotely close to me anymore. We both knew eachother for a very long time and they were my favorite person in the world but we just drifted apart. I can't pretend like that hasn't hurt me deeply, but there have been other good things to keep me alive.

For example, I'm now involved in my high school's production of Clue. It is very funny and I love the people in it. I have the role of the Cook, who is killed by Mrs. Peacock, and have to tumble out of a pretend refrigerator onto one of my peers. I've begun my first relationship with one of the cast members. It is a new experience that I'm not uncomfortable with my feelings. It's all very different. However, whenever something begins I can't help but imagine the end very clearly. My hypothesis is that after three or four months, we'll both be settled into each-other's existence and realize that maybe we were always meant to just be friends, and calmly divorce. Well, that's the best case scenario, at least. I like him a lot. I just can't be so sure in anything working out for me, I guess. Can't really fathom how we started in the first place. But I'll keep you all posted.