something about a mother

its very interesting to talk to a parent as an adult. i can show her my hat with a swear word on it, but i dont know if i can ask her about her relationship. i can finally tell her about my relationship, but i still feel a need to water down aspects of myself to her. she's in my place so she takes the airbed, but she still buys the bed, the sheets, the pillow, the emergency 9pm ohshitmytoiletoverflowed call. we are both in stages of one step forward three steps back. is it really like this forever? ive learned from her trauma and she's learned from my growth, but at the end of the day its all the same. i've not lived her nightmares but i've carried them on. they sit on my shoulder through everything i do. must learn from what has been done to her must not slip must not fall oh shit im right back where she was. breaking the cycle is just as hard as they say it is.