Post three (9.03.2023)

Why is it so stressful? It is unnecessary stressful. Like why do we have to go five days to a place we don't even like and I literally learn nothing. I promise you one thing, if I ever become a head teacher (to be honest, I don't wanna be one but lets say I do for some reason end up being one) I will make rules to make classes into groups to learn at their own pace and give them work that will acculy be BENEFICIAL towards the students and not this stupid curriculum that I learnt nothing from. I admit that now that I have chosen the subject that I wanna do, I still find it hard but I can't ask for help because I literally have undiagnosed social anxiety. That leads me onto my other point, school and collage has really ruined my mental health even more. (I live in Europe so it will be different to other continents obviously). None of the teachers care about your mental health, they pretend they do and act like they want you to be more open about your mental health but in reality they. Do. Not. Care. Like, it's none of their business if I am upset because it is partly their fault. Everyone's teachers are different after all. I can't ask for help because of social anxiety and if I do, it can lead to panic attacks later on. I really hate myself for not understanding things that my classmates understand. Why can't I be like that and why aren't I smart enough? I mean, in some classes I get alright marks but in one of my subjects I keep trying and I keep trying to study for the assessments but I keep failing. Why is collage so stressful? Teachers are so annoying because they don't care enough for their students and they never will. I mean, we as individuals should put ourselves first and that is completely right to put ourselves first. Teachers literally do not care if a student is crying or if they are having a panic attack or are ill. They act like they care but in reality they don't care. Why are teachers like this? Why is school / collage so stressful? I just wanna be able to live my life without worrying or stressing or having the urge to throw up because I get called on in class. School and collage is so damn boring aswell, it feels like my skin is wrinkling up and then when I eventually stand up, my skin will slowly peel off and I then rot into the ground. The only place I can express myself is using this account to blog. School is just a bunch of jerks who bully and hate crime you for things you cannot literally change. In collage you get body shamed adleast once and have all your so called "friends" ignore you and you have to sit in stair cases in your free time because you have no one to hang out with and read and feel like crying and just having a pit of sadness in your stomach. Nothing about school and collage is "fun" or "exciting". It makes you feel even worse about yourself and it eventually drives you crazy adleast five times in an academic year. I don't think I can do the rest of the academic year at this rate. I know "education is important" but what about our mental health's? I always thought mental health was meant to come before your education but that was a stupid belief that I always thought. Ever since September and I started collage, I realised your education is more important than your mental health and you as a person. I want to get out of here so badly. I just want to stay in bed all day everyday.