location: still dont know
we met on the second or third card night. we played bs. i didn't notice you at first, you were just a stranger and now i cant fathom not knowing you. i saw you laugh and i made it my goal to see you laugh again. the whole time we were yelling and i was being an idiot but you laughed and it made me so happy. im like a stupid kid the way i act around the people i like and want to like me. i called you names and acted as if though you were my mortal enemy. i stared at you when you werent looking at me and smiled. a couple days later you texted and asked if i was free that friday night. for the days that had passed since the card night, i wouldn't shut up about you. c supported my delusion and obsession. and when you asked to hang out, i was over the moon. c didnt want to be there, thought itd be boring, wanted to be drunk instead. she ended up staying. she had fun. i had fun. i liked you then. we went to sonic. you helped me with my paper. i think youre fucking beautiful. you mentioned you had a girlfriend. i looked at c in horror. she didnt notice. we had a sidebar. we mourned. its admirable how much you love your girlfriend but i swear when you stayed the night for my birthday, i loved you more. the whole fucking night i couldnt stop looking at you and it hurt and i was obsessed. we played paranoia. you said you would marry me out of everyone because you thought you would have the most fun with me. i cried abit about that. i didn't really know you then but i knew i wanted to be around you always and i hope what i feel is real. you ended up leaving, saying that you were tired. i was upset. i didnt say anything but i was upset. but then you came back. i don't think thats happened in the history of ever with me. you came back and you were just joking and i was fucking in love with you. c slept in the living room. you stayed in my room. i remember feeling so fucking fond when i looked at you. the following week you were gone with your girlfriend. i counted down the days until you returned, and c was sick of it. i had no chance. i didnt really care. i looked at other people but everytime i looked at you, they didnt exist. i dont know what to think anymore. you stayed with me when i wanted to fully die. and you don't even know the power you have on me. i wouldnt have even gone that night if it wasnt for you. you say something and its law to me. ill believe anything you say because you said it. and youre an idiot. youre definitely not from this generation and we dont agree on everything and we dont like the same things. but when we watched tlou, i cried at the thought of us having that story and i know i could never hurt you. i cant tell if what i feel is real or i just want something to hold on to. but everytime we're together i just fucking know i could stay for an eternity and never get bored. and i think thats real at least. something about the way that we get something for each other is so domestic and ive never had this and i dont know what to do. if i confessed, what would you say? i think you wouldnt reciprocate but i think you would consider. i very often forget that youre like me, you doubt and ponder too. when you talk youre so sure of yourself i cant imagine you ever double guessing. but i think you would consider. i hope you would. i didnt want to really kiss him and i dont think i really want to kiss anyone else. but i think i would wanna kiss you.
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