untitled 2 11/21/2022

location: couch at allister

its not going to get any better. how do you get to say this determine this when you hurt me. i cant wait for time to pass and i feel like my head isnt spinning everytime i hear about you or see you or hear you while seeing you. you werent meant to be anything but i think about that night. i couldnt look at you. i thought i would be the one to hurt you. and you were just there. listening. if it werent for those stupid fucking chairs and the stupid lights and the stupid windows, maybe it wouldve ended different. seeeing you walk away made me so upset its why i texted you. i think abt that and compare it to the night where i did let you walk in with me. i so personally let you in and not even two days  later. ive hit the point hwere im not mad anymore, i just mourn what i lost. i wonder if i wouldve been more into you if you saw me as a boy. i wonder if id be happier if everyone saw me as a boy. i know i could never do it i hope all these pride motherfuckers learn that theres nothing to prideful of. its only shame and hiding away. ill never let anyone call me he. ill never accept anyone calling me he. but everytime i think about romance with a man, ill always think again. think back. but that doesnt really matter. if i opened, its like the song said. ill never be pure again.