haphazard thoughts about family

i always dread having to talk about my parents. i mean, “my mom’s dead” is kind of a bummer, let alone “and my dad was so abusive that my brother had to remove us from the house when i was 11 otherwise i’d be dead too” definitely kills the vibe. obviously my brothers mean the world to me and i wouldn’t trade them for anything, but sometimes i think about how it would be to have a conversation with a new person and not be on defense mode when family comes up. 

and it’s not like i don’t have a chosen family either. these people are so incredibly important to me that i’m unable to describe it in words. 

i fell asleep writing this. time for bed. no catharsis for you.