I should be happy

Doing things that no one asked me to. Sacrificing pleasure for work. Either I have become a loser, or I have just grown up. I can't stop. I do make time for myself but not for pleasure. My discipline is killing me.

I wake up in the morning surprised and disappointed that I possess the energy to do the things that I have to after doing them for so long. In fact, I have become more effective and efficient over time and I feel terrible because of it. I am doing these things despite having no purpose. 

It's like I'm performing a highly technical farce every day. I wish I had more chaos in my life though I know I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I recognize my patterns and work on them. I build healthy habits. I feel so empty. What is wrong!!!

Something's off....