yes i'm still dysphoric and idk what to do man

it's mostly the anxiety that's getting to me now. i'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack i can feel it. today i binded for the first time with ace bandages (ik they're not good dw i won't use them to bind anymore i just needed to see what it felt like once).

and it felt so good i looked and felt perfect. and now i'm so scared. idk what i'm going to do. i can't keep living like i am rn because it's not real. but i might lose everything no one will look at me the same ever again if i change things.

NO ONE WILL EVER ACCEPT ME. i want to just disappear and haunt ppl's minds.

i can't do this i can't deal with it the constant misgendering and having to correct ppl is so horrible but every time i get misgendered it feels like my heart stops and i can't breathe and no one says anything or corrects them not even my friends or trans friends. i can't anymore.

songgg!!! i think i like it- radio edit by fake blo0d. it's super hype for being in a sad mood but i really like it :) it feels like how i feel so on edge and shit.

i keep trying to distract myself but nothing is really working. i feel like i'm always on the verge of suffocating. maybe i'll write some shit idk. maybe i'll even post that shit here later if i feel like it's good enough.