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Category: Life

I thought the girl I love had ****** herself

I woke up today at 7am and realized I had received a notification at 1 am from G (a girl who I have a complicated relationship with. I was her first kiss, but she didn't want to continue it. But we still talk regularly and have become really close in the past year). The message said "Not sure if I've said it before, but I love you Crimson King". 

The thing is she's been dealing with depression and anxiety for a while and last week she didn't show up to a small gathering at my house because she had a crisis. Considering this context, I obviously thought something had happened. I instantly got desperate and started spamming her. She didn't answer. However, it was still 7 am so I thought she could be sleeping. BTW I'm not in the same town as her and haven't got any relative's contact info. I genuinely thought she was dead for the whole morning. She just responded at 2 pm. I don't think I've ever been so desolated. I don't know what I'll if she ever decides to actually do it. I think I'm still in love with her, but don't want to try anything in case I can get hurt from this. She's a difficult person to deal with in a routine basis, but I always look forward to when I'm gonna see her again. 

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