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ik i probs shouldn't put this online and maybe i'll delete it later. but i need someone to talk to rn.
i can't talk to my friends. they either wouldn't understand or they have their own stuff going on.
i have to go to school and comfort a friend tomorrow but i'm so tired. and i want to cry but i can't because my stomach and head hurt so badly because i'm so hungry.
my main angst tho rn is that i hate being trans. idek if i really am. i always think that maybe i'm just confused. and i look up gender cringe videos and read through the comments just to hurt myself. i don't want this. it's too much. being queer i can handle because i can at least try to hide it by staying single or pretending to be an ally or something. ppl already know about me being queer but only ppl at school know about me being trans. and i get misgendered all the time i can't anymore. the feeling of hearing she/her actually hurts. which is so stupid. like i don't think i ever felt super comfortable with she/her even when i was younger but i could handle it. idk why i can't just shut up and take being misgendered. this isn't like a pity thing or anything i'm being serious rn. i hate being trans. i hate everything about it. i don't hate other trans ppl ofc!! just not what i would have chosen for myself.
plus what's the point i'm never going to be gendered correctly. so i might as well give up. even if ppl use the right pronouns they look at me and still think girl. or they see my scars on my wrist. or they see something else they don't like. and they judge me. i am tired of ppl making assumptions about me. i want to go back to being the "quiet" girl.
i'm going to try and sleep even tho i'm so hungry (btw i don't have an ed i'm just depressed and have no energy to make food for myself lol).
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lain
um i’m not good at comforting people, but i feel the need to respond to this. it’s kinda disrespectful to say that someone’s vent is relatable, but i’ve never related to something more in my life. being trans is awful. a lot of it isn’t even being trans it’s self it’s other people. people are terrible. those cringe compilations shouldn’t even exist. it’s just bullying. it’s only justified because of who they’re bullying. i don’t know why, but scroll through transphobic posts, and comments for hours. just to see what they’re saying i guess. nothing they say is true. it’s all made up lies to get people hate us, or to justify they’re already existing hatred. transphobes are kinda sad. all they have is hatred. nobody should care what such sad people think, but it’s hard to ignore.
i know it’s easier to just go back to being how you used to be, but it will eventually be much more fulfilling to be who you truly are. even if you don’t end up being trans. don’t try to be a certain way because you think it’ll be easier.
you just shouldn’t care what people think. your happiness is most important not theirs. this applies to everyone, transphobes, strangers, friends, family, everyone. obviously don’t ignore other people’s feelings, but if in the end you’ll be happier who cares what they think.
i know it’s terrible to be misgendered. all you ask for is to be referred to a certain way, and people just ignore it. terrible.
it all seems hopeless. it’s not hopeless, it does seem that way a lot, but it’s not hopeless. there’s always hope for a brighter future.
don’t give up. one day we’ll live in a world where everyone’s respected, and we won’t have to deal with these things.
i’m very sorry if this was unhelpful, or upset you more. i just really felt like had to say something because of how much this corresponds with my experiences. i didn’t look back through it, so i’m sure it’s full of spelling errors, and such lol.
no tysm this was actually very helpful it's helping to keep me from spiraling again lol. i don't think it's rude at all to relate to a vent :) i'm just so sorry you do some of the same things like scroll through transphobic comments and videos. it really does suck but ig you're right about being myself. it's just so scary y'know. i hope that one day there's a world where we can all feel happy with ourselves (ik that's cliche lol). in the meantime keep your head up you're awesome /gen
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