14 year old me

14 year old me doesn't know it but if she was listening, I'd let her know that all the deep breathing she's been doing isn't for nothing. That the late nights laying in bed listening to the alarm clock radio before falling asleep will have her memorizing the words to songs she doesn't even like yet. That teenaged skin is something she can shed, even if it isn't entirely brand new. That the body she is living in isn't permanent. That loving herself is going to have to be a life-long practice. That it's gonna be the hardest thing she'll ever have to master. That her little sister's room is just right around the corner and she's been feeling all the same things that you've been feeling and have felt already. To go talk to her. I'd tell her that nearly every single person in her life is temporary, that the ever-present high school faces become blurry messes over time. That some people only like her because of forced proximity and it's okay to outgrow people. I'd let her know she doesn't have to accept every half-assed apology, that forgiveness isn't a requirement to move on. That even though that's the truth, her heart won't ever stop aching. That she will always feel like something is missing. I'd tell her that she can grow around the pain. That she won't always want to self-destruct. That her hands are capable of creating beautiful things, even if she doesn't believe it yet.

I'd tell myself this, It does eventually get peaceful, you just have to be willing to accept that cold new feeling of peace.