I hate myself.

As a man, I think I need other people's rescpect and admiration, which I don't have. I'm always the butt of the joke. I feel like no one respects my existence as an equal. Don't get me wrong, I have 'friends', but I don't think any of these relationships are mutual. I always give so much love and loyalty and don't get back in the same amount. I don't like who I am, or better: I don't like how I think I'm perceived by other people. I try so hard to be a cool and interesting person, but everyone treats me like a dog who always comes back no matter how porly you treat him just because I he's got nowhere else to go. I just wanted someone to look for me or call me, but no one cares enough. I'm the one who starts the conversations and tries to meet up only for people to cancel at the last minute. 

I don't even get bullied. No one cares about me. Not particularly handsome or ugly. Or an unlikeable person. people hang with me when there's no one else or because I just pushed everyone to meet up.