depress writing :[ i do that alot srry

motorcycles make the same sounds my stomach make, as i cry cold outside. it makes the same sound as my stomach, as i sit in the shower, and cry,  sob, laugh, and silently scream, it makes the same sound, and i cant tell if its cause im hungry, even though it made the same sound after i ate a fruit, but im always hungry, which is because there's nothing to eat, or cause im not alowing myself, or cause i keep forgetting, or cause im simply to lasy, or cause im out of breath from just walking.

maybe my stomach makes the same sound as a motorcycle cause the pain and sobbing and cold and self pitty and guilt and loneliness,  and hopelessness are eating at me from the inside, maybe someone put that all in me, maybe it was in my genes, maybe i got unlucky and some god gave me this stomach eating illness, or maybe i did it to myself,  maybe im the root of all this,

i was handed small inconvenience, -some definitely weren't small- shaped as seeds and told not to swallow them whole, but instead i grew these self hatred, mental disorders, contradictory, sad, depressing, evil, jealous, stupid, naive, clueless, loser, loud, bitchy, lazy, pathetic flowers that grew sour tasting thought that only rot, that only attracted even worse mean, rude, scared, insane and hateful bugs that have got confused from the 18 year old rot, and now have been eating at me from the inside out, i grew it and i watered it, and never delt with its fruit and now it rots the way i rot, it attracts bugs that eat away at it the way i attract pain that eats away at me, and it will be nothing when the bugs are finished, and i will be nothing when life is finished with me