Trauma is a Job

Trauma is a full time job. Your trauma is your responsibility, my trauma is my responsibility... nobody else's. It's something that I've been contemplating for a while, but I'm going to face the facts. I'm now that lady I'd always ignored when I was younger. I have become the "when I was a kid" person. I am the person that says... "when I was your age."

I'm also the person that's going to admit, "Mom, you were right. I should have listened."

---

I am someone who understands PTSD - I have cPTSD myself and part of being responsible for my own illness and damage is understanding it. That means doing some research and truly trying to understand it not only for yourself, but for the people around you.

So when someone comes to me and says "I have PTSD... don't do this" and the thing makes no logical sense... I have to question if that person truly has the illness. One or two triggers, fine, I will do my best to not trigger you and I'll be courteous and warn you of sensitive things... but once everything I do or say becomes a trigger for you... that becomes censorship.

Censorship is my trigger (sarcasm, don't shoot).

If you are young and reading this and you suffer from any kind of mental illness or damage, I urge you to please, please, seek actual help and get the recovery you damn well deserve. If you're being serious and really do have BPD or if you really do have PTSD... these things are not fun to have and they can ruin relationships. You're wondering why people are leaving you and not obeying every little rule you have for every single trigger... it's because illnesses are not cute.

Illnesses are not adorable, they're not cute, they're not fun. They are not healthy.

I have cPTSD, BPD, BiPolar, "True" Depression, Suicidal and Homocidal Ideation, and I have been a sex slave my entire life. From ages three to 28... and I'm now only 31. I know what trauma is. I know what it is to be changed from the inside out. I understand. I also know that in such a short amount of time, everything that once triggered me... really doesn't. 

So I want to know why the younger people think that they can wait for it to go away? It doesn't... it takes work and responsibility. I'm sorry that it happened but it's yours to be responsible over now. It's like adopting a dog that just followed you home because it could.

I know it's hard. I know it's... unfair as utter shit... but you have to stop making others take responsibility by tiptoeing around every little trigger. I'm sorry... but the world yells. The world types in all caps sometimes. People talk about dating and people go through break ups. People get beaten by their parents and have to get adopted to unfair foster families... people have to grow up to be sex slaves. People watch their pets die in front of them at young ages, maybe multiple times.

I understand how cruel the world can be...

...but please don't add to it's cruelty by willingly being toxic. Be responsible for your illnesses.

I believe that you can do it... because I was able to. Just go at your own pace, but please, still go.