This routine is something I made for myself, knowing that I will have shit days from time to time. But I won't always have a shoulder to cry on or a generous ear. We can't always rely on people, so we build habits and routines, some sense of consistency and familiarity with this fuck all world.
Today sucks! People I was close to are ignoring me, and I guess that this means that we aren't close anymore. It also means that I'll have to spend some time alone. People will judge the same as they did before. But this time, I won't have a group of friends with whom I can call the rest losers. It's just me for a while.
I don't want to articulate this feeling, I don't want this to be real. This sinking in my stomach, the dizzy in head, and the mist in my eyes. No amount of skin care will fix this heart.
I know I'm gonna be fine eventually. Someday, someway, one day I'll be alright. But until then I'll feel like crap all the time, or perhaps I am overestimating this grief.
One thing I know for sure is that I will never go back to those that hurt me. I will turn this thing around. I will be a better me. I will make sure that this hurt was actually a great favour done to me :)