I didn't think I'd be writing about my love life here, but I need to get this stuff out of my chest.
Today I went on a movie date with "L", this girl from my class who I'm aware has a crush on me. The problem is I'm not really into her. I see her more as a friend than anything else. That being said, the only reason for me to go out with her is that I was feeling sad and she was available. I feel so bad because aparently she likes me more than I expected. I'm actually moving away to a different city in the next month and probably won't talk to her ever again. I just used her to comfort myself for a while.
The reason I'm sad is that I'm in love with another girl who doesn't like me back. I mean, we've kissed before and I think I could get her in a party or smth, but she has explicitly stated that whe would never be in a relationship with me. I understand her reasons, but it really broke my heart and I'm not sure how to move on from that, since we're still close friends and I don't want to lose that bond. She's not just someone I wanna fuck for the sake of it. She's my best friend who happens to be a good kisser. I'm lost really. I think moving out and getting to meet new people is going to benefit my mental health.
I thought of killing myself because of it, but I don't wanna be the guy who commited suicide because of a girl. What a loser I'd look like. If I ever kill myself, I want it to be because of my own emotional torment and not because of someone else.