1/21/23

I went back to the creek last week fa the first time in two years. It was a surreal experience cuz i still attribute that to being the birth of 119 and going back in a different section reminded me of why that was the case. Its like it was specifically made for me. Like my own city trapped in time and equipped with all i need to reflect and advance. But i suppose those two intersect more than i know so that makes sense. Id like to return there one day. But this time with a group of others and stay there. Probably not forever, but enough to make a mark and establish a home if i ever do change my mind. Ive also been having dreams. Not in the traditional sense like normally but sort of lucid conscious dreams. About many things. I had one about a final farewell to claire before college but it wasnt her obviously it was my version of her. Having seen her around i doubt that’ll happen. Regardless it brings me a sort of peace of mind that i can get one more shot at getting her to like me which is fucked up cuz she was the bad person but shes the only person i want to like me for some reason. Its probably because there’s not anybody at this small ass white school that actually has morals and loyalty to their friends that ive observed so she’s the most desirable of infinite evils. Im also lowkey tweaking about college. As of now i only have one acceptance which is cool but east lansing is probably one of the worst places to start a rap career that isnt some meme shit (no hate) like babytron or rmc mike so im tryna go elsewhere where there’s at least a more creative culture or nature i can chill in or something. But i suppose ill go where im meant to be. Fuck college though its all old white men who get paid to sit there and display their egos through their vast knowledge of bullshit and take pride in the number of ppl they fail with no empathy toward any sort of problem that doesnt concern them. And i gotta pay them 120,000. And im gonna have to chill with some nasty ass roommate i can see it now cuz niggas (esp comp sci niggas) have zero hygiene. And most white hipsters have no sorts of boundaries as has been proven to me time and time again so im likely gonna have to smack the shit outta somebody. I gotta clique up with the skaters first thing to preserve my sanity.