cubicles

how do people figure out what they want to do. i genuinely don't believe that anyone actually has a dream lifelong career and just goes with the flow because what do you mean you actually think you could do that thing for the rest of your life.

 there are some things i could do my whole life but they are very much dream prospects that i would kind of have to just fall into, not anything with a set path where i know how to get there. like why couldn't i be one of the lucky ones that want to be a doctor. i know how to rise to doctordom. 

or, a lot of what i want to do i'd have to get real good at writing essays real fast to be able to do the schooling/training for them. i can crank out a good essay, but nothing revolutionary or anything. i read and analyze the essays i dont write them.....

none of what im saying is creative at all its just the thought process of every 19 year old ever but genuinely what the fuck am i doing. what do i even want to do. i inherited my mothers jack-of-all-trades penchant making me have a baseline skill at a billion things which is fun but also means i am a master of none. theres nothing im good at enough to actually make it in an oversaturated market. AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!!!! well it means overpopulation because why the hell is every market oversaturated except like. school bus drivers. 

i feel like im just supposed to wait and one day ill wake up and know what i want my career to be. but ive thought that since i was 15 and im still lost so what gives. idk i like movies and music and comics and art and idkkkkk 

i would love to be a prop artist for film but like how the fuck do i do that. i would love to be a curator but how the fuck do i do that. i would love to run an antique or music shop but by god i do not want to deal with owning a business. literally just let me be a page at a library. can i at least be an employee at a comic or music shop.

idk

idk

011123

persimmon