Trauma

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

I wanted to post my writings about this subject for awhile.. but I didn’t want to leave a digital footprint .. but this is my safe space so I’m going to talk about it vaguely.

1-

I was worried that they recorded me. 

I was scared that everyone knew.

I was afraid of the judgment.

I was embarrassed by it all.

But it wasn’t my fault, it was never my fault.

They knew what they had done. 

They knew it was wrong.

So they kept their mouths closed. 

Keeping it secret.

2-

I’m angry.

I’m mortified.

I hate myself.

I want to tell people, I want to make them pay…

But I know I can’t.. it will only affect me more

3-

I want them to know how it feels to be humiliated. I want them to feel the agonizing pain I felt. I want them to feel how utterly disgusting I felt. 

To be held against my own will. To be tortured for hours on end. To be deprived of my dignity. To lose all hope of being saved. 

It replays in mind constantly.

It reminds me of how useless I am.

How I’m a victim.

I fucking hate it.

4- 

In different ways.. I can see how it was my fault. 

I put myself in that type of situation.

I trusted the wrong ppl.

I let my guard down.

I will never do it again.