All for You

lately i’ve been feeling like no one wants to talk to me. i wonder if anyone would even speak with me if i wasn’t the one who approached them first. i have impulsive, unwelcome thoughts about stopping. not talking to anyone at all and seeing if anyone would even notice. they are not on the same level as my intrusive thoughts since they involve nothing violet or illicit, but they still upset me. i wouldn’t stoop so low that i stop talking to people off just to see if they cared. that’s just borderline manipulative. but asking for assurance is practically on the same level—manipulative, at least in my mind. if others ask for my assurance, i’ll give it to them in a heartbeat without a second thought. i really do understand. but i feel like if i ask it’s not the same. it’s not the same with me because of my shitty ocd. it makes me feel manipulative. so i’m always keeping a close eye on what i say and how i act. i don’t want to make others experience even one negative emotion.