Looking back

Christmas is the most boring time of the year because I dont celebrate it and also all the stores are closed!! And I live in a small town..All of my depression walks include going to the store and buy comfort food. Also there has been a lot of guests coming to visit us lately and my introvert self cannot handle this pressure, so I had to cry, very sensetive of me but its better rather than let all my rage out on my fam. 

Christmas had me thinking alot about this year and I just can say, it has been a mess, well not completly but the moment I started attending year 11. Tbh that was a really hot spring and a fire summer, I had to work at my mams job because her colleauge has been visiting her fam in kosovo over this summer, and let me tell you, I will never have a cleaning job in my life, that shit is so exhausting, I have so much respect for that job. 

I also went to the public swimming pool place almost everyday and took evening bicycle trips and read a lot of books. Also bayram was beautiful this year like I stayed home, visited relatives, drank a lot of coffee and ate baklava and I remember I brought my friend the baklava, my mom made. 

My finals!!!! It was crazy, I was hustling like I never hustled that much for school in my life than this spring. 

Due to this amount of work in school, home snd working space, I developed a toxic working habit and because of that, I lost all my motivation for my hobbies and started to be more depressed again. I also began to have a lack of concentration in school and lack of sleep. I begin to see nothing and get the feeling of being to weak for finishing up school. I cant do anything anymore but work. I cannot study anymore and positive things rarely make me happy. So I hope I can start the year with a little motivation and free mind. 

I hope some of yall had a nice year and if not, we can just hope to be better next year cuz let me tell u, 2022 drove me insane 😵‍💫 xx 

Blind//26.12.2022