Existing at the end of the year

Im reminiscing. Things this year got really weird. Developed such a fucked thc tolerance that i feel absolutely nothing anymore. dated and hashtag failed. cut my hair a few days ago. end of first year is barely memorable. what did i even do in the summer. second term after midterms was dreadful. im doing better now... i feel like im on some sort of brink, that there is something needing my immediate attention and i just dont know what it is? there is something i feel like i am forgetting................................

dont get me wrong i lvoe my life. i have always felt so low and helpless but a few months ago i broke that somehow. now im in some sort of slump. but im plateauing, which is better than dreadfully existing... i'm excited for the new year. my heart is hurting for january. my sisters birthday is hard to get through. i am looking forward for the things to come, the people i will meet, who i will see myself as in a year. i am constantly changing and surprising myself. the last few months fuckinbg sucked ass. things will be better. i cant wait for the new semester...

some important things i have learned

1. there is only so much you can do 

2. start now think later (making a club at school)

3. be who u r 

4. you dont ever truly know who u r

5. you can be wrong 

6. you can change your opinion instantly with no shame  

7. u can literally do whatever the fuck you want

8. dont vape on an empty stomach

9. 4 shots, 2 coolers is your limit

10. its really importsnt to pay attention to the way.u feel in every aspect and way possible

11. assholes exist just ignore them 

12. you only think the way that you act 

13. fake it till u make it is SO FCKING REAL

14. you are only scared of people judging you because you judge other people

goals i have before my 20th bday 

1. become fully fledged tat artist 

2. have 10+ art pieces i am fully proud of and apply for a gallery space

3. perform a few shows

4. have a big cool event at school for the club

5.understand guitar fully 

6. clean out my garage (depends if my parents help me)

7. have an adult real financial plan

things i want to do more of in general

fill up one sketchbook page a day

skateboard around my neighbourhood and fall like an idiot in front of the cute honda mechanic guys

have 1-2 paintings every month

1 sculpture every week

learn 1 new song on the guitar every 1-2 weeks

blog sometimes... maybe once a day at school. thats probabyl why i hated this sem (cu zi didnt blog)

play just dance for a little in my basement...

read 1-2 books a month 

this list is never ending and changes constantly and is inaccurate but also everything that i know in this exact moment.