This is in response to someone I had a disagreement with on SpaceHey... so hello, if you've followed me for some reason and decided to read this... yes, this is in response to our spat. Let me explain to my readers how being constantly miserable and in pain is not a milestone and not a time to say "that's being an adult". That phrase is very toxic to us.
I'm now thirty-one, and this means I've been a freeish citizen for two years, now. From having to be an unwilling sex-slave from ages three to fourteen, and then trafficked by "partners" from there on out... to living my best life with my loving partner and our six furry terrors. I mean cats. This blog isn't so much about me whining about that, though. This post is more about me addressing what it actually is to be an adult... and how being a human has affected my experiences.
Relationships and Mental Health - My relationships have been affected by my mental illnesses acquired by being so heavily abused my entire life. Having taken therapy much more seriously, I've learned that I often self-sabotage in order to self-fulfill my own expectations. The best example is sexual encounter. If I want intimacy, I'll ask in such a way that gets me rejected, because I'm used to getting rejected anyway. My slave-mind needs to be kept in this place of familiarity, or else anxiety will come.
What I've learned from this, though, is my self-sabotaging, I've sabotaged future instances as well. I'm learning that as an adult, my personal choices do, in fact, affect the immediate future... the one future my anxiety likes to worry about the most.
So how do I go about keeping a good relationship? Keeping a good relationship with my therapist and my psyche. That is exactly how. Is it easy? No. Is it possible? Yes! That's being an adult... being responsible for your own actions and psychological development and/or recovery.
Employment and Homemaking - This is not easy for me whatsoever. I feel like a college student, kicked out of college, who has no means of getting work. My cPTSD is too severe and I cannot drive because of it. My anxiety is too severe so I cannot be in large crowds for too long or it'll trigger flashbacks from all the abuse I've endured... frankly, and I dislike the idea, but others say it: I should be on disability. I fight the idea by using what skills I have to try and provide for my household, but even that little bit of work can become so stressful that I break down for days at a time. I do receive food stamps so every month we can at least have groceries and other cleaning materials
My partner is an absolute saint to even put up with me. He works extra hours when he doesn't really need to, but he's told me time and time again his family is why he works so hard. I believe him. So on days when my depression isn't taking over, I try to keep our home relatively livable, despite our six terrors, ahem, cats... being rambunctious and playing so rough in every room of the house, haha.
I've been attempting to keep the mindset of: Balance is Good. And it is. If I'm not the one bringing in the main income, I should at least be keeping our home. It's one thing to have a house, but it's another to make it a home. That's being an adult... making your house a home by creating balance and harmony.
Allowed to be an adult for the past two years, I've learned that being an adult is NOT:
- treating people in a toxic manner.
- having to live a dangerous/unhealthy life.
- "just dealing with" or "just getting over" it.
- living all by yourself in vast wealth.
- having a super great day every day.
- easy for everyone.
Report Blog Entry
Comments
Displaying 0 of 0 comments ( View all | Add Comment )