my aesthetic

breaking down during the sweet, serene interlude of a heavy song

wearing nothing but a slip dress, skin and heart bare to the cold, snowy claws of winter

restrained crying in the bathroom, trying not to mess up ur perfect eyeliner

laughing to urself in public because nothing feels real, nothing has in months, is this even ur body?

the constant feeling of eyes burning into ur flesh

the futility of ur search for warmth and intimacy; it's not that it's unavailable it's that u have lost the capacity to feel much of anything

the inability to get close to anyone when the opportunity does arise because u always assume some ulterior motive

magical girl anime

dysthymia

dissociating literally every 5 minutes

the desire to scream at the top of ur lungs

the desire to have a boy comfort u

fear of the dark

hallucinogenic trauma 

death

filling the void with clothes and games and high bpm music

wanting to start the day by breaking ur depressing routines and habits but always falling back in the end

anxiety 

and most of all emptiness, a silent, scary emptiness that won't go away no matter what u do