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I’m a person who identifies as poly-amorous, or “poly” for short. I can call in love and maintain a relationship with more than one person. The hard part about that is loving someone who doesn’t truly love you back… or someone who doesn’t quite understand what love is yet. What’s even harder is sharing someone you’d rather not share.
I don’t normally experience jealousy since I’m poly… so to find that I’d actually become jealous of a certain situation is strange to me. It means that either I’m not poly-amorous and I’m just with the wrong person, or I am poly-amorous and just really greedy over this person I’m thinking of in today’s situation.
Polyamory can be hard… but self-awareness can be so much harder.
I’m
not even sure what to do in this kind of situation. This person I’m
crushing on really hard is a very sexual person, and my sex drive is
also quite high… but we also like the same music and have the same
humor. We play music and we love to laugh. How is it possible to avoid
falling in love with this man? The problem for me right now is… I saw
him post a story of his ex on his story and that made me jealous. Now
I’m not sure if I’m jealous because of her or jealous of her. I understand if they fool around - she’s extremely pretty.
I guess I just feel like he’s blowing me off to spend time with an ex after we exchanged having mutual feelings for one another. I can balance me and mine so far… but is this worth pursuing if there’s never any time to talk? Outsiders looking in would say no, of course, but I really cannot stop talking to him. I’m addicted to his company and I don’t know how to stop.
If I even need to.
I don’t want to.
Comments
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dogmaweary
Being "poly" is just an excuse for people not to have to commit and slam anyone they want, wherein usually one of the people doesn't really want to do the poly thing but come to accept it of their partner because they are so desperate to accommodate them and not lose their favor. It sounds to me like you were just flirting with the idea of love without actually knowing what it was, but now you found someone you actually really like above all other toys and don't want to lose him because the fact that you're in an open relationship means he could find someone better than you without technically cheating.
If you really like this person, my advice is to stop playing around and start going steady before it's too late.
Actually, you're incorrect for me!
I don't go looking around for other partners! :) I don't feel the need to!
by Jessica Snow; ; Report
Also I'm sorry for whatever poly person hurt YOU... but I don't go out of my way to hurt people. Love and energy are very important things and they're not just for throwing around.
Polyamory is psychological. It's having the means to balance and maintain both relationships while evenly dispersing your love to your partner(s). It's never about favoritism and there is always a primary partner - the person you met first and make family decisions with!
Besides that... every relationship is its own dynamic. Even if it turns out that I might not be polyamorous... it still might not be for me, but it doesn't mean I crap on other people. I'm too secure with myself as a human to do that to other humans.
by Jessica Snow; ; Report
I don't think someone has to be "hurt" to see the inherent flaws in something (especially because the meme of polyamory is something I actively attempt to avoid). The only way I could ever see anything like polyamory working is if everyone involved in the relationship loves each other, since anything besides would just breed jealousy and favoritism. Your own situation is a pretty good example of this, actually.
The fact that this person you like is given the option to sleep with and enjoy the company of anyone he wants without you getting a say is the sort of situation that is avoided by simply being in a committed relationship. If you and this person are as in sync as you say, then maybe it's not too late to just do a normal thing without trying to complicate it.
by dogmaweary; ; Report
That is called polygroup. :) My boyfriend is not interested in it, but allows me to have feminine partners to create balance. He is good friends with, and approves of, who is with me romantically. :)
It's best to kinda... "stay in your lane" and not judge/harm others. :)
by Jessica Snow; ; Report
The women you date aren’t a threat to him, and I assume he just sort of tolerates the men. Although, this would only the be the case if he has special feelings for you in particular and doesn’t just see you as another meat puppet.
These are the sorts of things misguided people need to hear. If you feel like you’re being judged, it’s only because you allowed others the venue to get their two cents in on your personal life
by dogmaweary; ; Report
He's best friends with my partners. They game all the time.
by Jessica Snow; ; Report
ThatOneEmo1234
I feel u on that. I'm currently going through a situation where someone said they liked my S/O and I but I just found out they only want to date him. I would suggest taking some time and sit down with him and tell him how this is making you feel.
mylesmichelin
You know I always thought about being poly, I could just never find anyone else that was.
I view it differently, though. Polyamory has been a part of my sexuality as far as I can remember. I've always been able to maintain more than one relationship, of course, only if everyone is comfortable with it.
But... I could never just sleep or share or trade around because. That's not me... I respect sex too much.
by Jessica Snow; ; Report
Fair enough
by mylesmichelin; ; Report