Polyamory can be Hard

I’m a person who identifies as poly-amorous, or “poly” for short. I can call in love and maintain a relationship with more than one person. The hard part about that is loving someone who doesn’t truly love you back… or someone who doesn’t quite understand what love is yet. What’s even harder is sharing someone you’d rather not share.

I don’t normally experience jealousy since I’m poly… so to find that I’d actually become jealous of a certain situation is strange to me. It means that either I’m not poly-amorous and I’m just with the wrong person, or I am poly-amorous and just really greedy over this person I’m thinking of in today’s situation.

Polyamory can be hard… but self-awareness can be so much harder.

I’m not even sure what to do in this kind of situation. This person I’m crushing on really hard is a very sexual person, and my sex drive is also quite high… but we also like the same music and have the same humor. We play music and we love to laugh. How is it possible to avoid falling in love with this man? The problem for me right now is… I saw him post a story of his ex on his story and that made me jealous. Now I’m not sure if I’m jealous because of her or jealous of her. I understand if they fool around - she’s extremely pretty.

I guess I just feel like he’s blowing me off to spend time with an ex after we exchanged having mutual feelings for one another. I can balance me and mine so far… but is this worth pursuing if there’s never any time to talk? Outsiders looking in would say no, of course, but I really cannot stop talking to him. I’m addicted to his company and I don’t know how to stop.

If I even need to.

I don’t want to.