Entry #020 - The Dark Season

Content warning: negativity, seasonal depression

A dear friend of mine refers to the arrival of winter as "The Dark Season," which I find to be wholly accurate.

Nights in the northern hemisphere are longer, colder. We're all lacking vitamin D and other physiological benefits from sun exposure. Depression is creeping in. Most of us experience increased stress during the holidays for one reason or another.

Winter takes a harder toll on us Spoonies. Fatigue, physical or otherwise, is already an obstacle we face throughout the rest of the year. Cranking the fatigue level up to 100 during the dark season is enough to push some people over the edge.

I'm grateful that things are mostly going well in my life this winter. Several things could certainly be going better, but I'm trying to focus on the positive. It's hard, though.

I love my new part-time job. I've been there for about 2 months and it's great, but my manager has recently cut back my hours, and I haven't worked all week. I worry about money now. Additionally, the guilt of not feeling "productive" enough is really getting to me lately.

In other news, my husband's uncle is hooking us up with a little shitbox car which we are grateful for, but I worry that the costs of insurance + gas + maintenance are going to be too much on us — especially if our landlord decides to increase our rent in January. We currently have bicycles that we ride all over town and it costs $0 to live this way, but it can be inconvenient... particularly if we receive snowfall this winter.

Taking things one day at a time is my only strategy. My goal is to get through the rest of this year without any major hang-ups or emergencies, which, historically, has never happened. Something always goes terribly wrong in the winter. The dreadful feeling of "impending doom" in my gut is going to remain there until the longer days return.

Published by 𝗭𝗔𝗖𝗞𝗢

Entry #020 - The Dark Season

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