:s

helo

today was kinda weird

my cousin and his family came to my house and it was like super awkward cus i havent seen them in like ten years. but it got a bit better through the day. we were talking about bands and stuff and like talking about old memories from growing up together. i guess he used to run around with the guys from thrice and scary kids scaring kids which is so wild to think of like those are bands i grew up listening to and theyre like his friends? insane. it was fun to remember about like being a kid and getting into trouble with him and picking on our other cousin. but then it got kinda weird. i guess no one told me that that other cousin had transitioned (i think?) and everyone has been like really transphobic about it. I dont know the whole story or what because no ones talked about it really other than him being like oh yeah he gets mad when i call him [what im assuming is a deadname]? so i am just like gonna try and learn a bit more about that and be supportive of them if i can because it doesnt really seem like anyone else is... or at least they dont really understand because no one was like really able to explain it or anything. i just feel so bad for them they must feel really alone and maybe i can at least let them know not everyone is against them finding themselves.

fuck is it rough talking to people all day im literally so drained and i dont want to dislike my family but they are making it kinda tough. my grandma is usually so nice but she is just like making these snide and disapproving comments about everything and its wearing down on me a lot. im trying really hard but i am just locked in my room with really high anxiety trying to kinda calm down from the day. ahh that was a lot of oversharing and this will probably get deleted but .-.