one foot out the door

sometimes i get a glimpse of how things should be. full time, not seasonal.

and then i get something new. but its never in the way i'd hope. i should be used to it by now.

do i remind you of yourself? do i remind you of _____? fill in the blank.

i laugh. its silly. it would never be me, not like this. i'm far too ____. fill in the ____.

you, me and the time machine. take turns. i might not come back. but i'd long for that present day sweetness all the while. i think about my favorite people dying all the time. i think about your face and mine. and when we meet i'll get distracted. when i come to i'll miss it all and get disappointed. caught in my own fantasy. so much so it ruined the real thing. life is blue enough. sometimes its like 3d glasses. obsolete, anyway.

suns coming up. all blue. thought my hoodie string was a spider. what an intimate thought. you wouldn't know if i didn't tell you. 

_____ __ ___________ ___ __ _ _______. don't worry, its fake.