Filling Extrovert Shoes.

I've always considered myself to be an introvert. Something about the world of hectic interaction has always made me antsy, and I find myself at my most charismatic and pleasant in small groups of people that I have known for a long time. Still, life necessitates change, and in the past year, I have had a radical difference in my lifestyle. My mind drifts to Halloween of last year, which I spent hunched over my computer, playing some MMO (likely one revolving around Star Trek). I remember the year previous, which I spent at a small Halloween party with one or two other long-time friends, out of costume. It feels strange, then, that this year my plans consist of gathering with a large group of people that are strangers to me, for activities I did not plan. 

If I could place myself from a year ago into the place I am today, I doubt that he would know what to do with himself. My chronically online, desperately lonely, and deeply troubled self from last year would feel completely overwhelmed. He would drown. It reminds me of the story about a donkey trapped in a well, where the farmer slowly fills it with shovelfuls of sand, until the donkey is able to walk out. I feel as though the deep pit I have dwelled in for most of my life is being slowly filled in. I am not at the top yet, but I am getting closer. I can feel myself growing and changing into something different and more resilient. 

I owe part of this change to my surroundings becoming more challenging. I am living more publically than I had been before, which is due to a series of sudden misfortunes causing my family to have a difficult time visiting, as apposed to the arrangements where I would see them multiple times a week I experienced last year. This has allowed me to seek connection with strangers, and deepen my connections with friends. In a way, I have formed a new family. It has given me the space to explore things about myself that I have long rejected. It is no longer terrifying to conquer old fears, or decide to try something strange and new. I am growing to be a more well rounded person because of it, and I am happy with what this new person looks like.