Insomnia and Nightmares.

Last night I had a nightmare. In the dream, I am investigating a remnant prairie below an overpass, as my hobby in naturalism compels me to. As I was taking a photo of a grasshopper, a man came up to me. He was irritated, yelling about how I was invading his home. It wasn't something that I was particularly worried about. I simply apologized and moved on to a different area, still intent on getting photographs of some of the beautiful creatures that live in this world. When I went home after a long day of this, I had the impression that something was watching me, which set me on edge. Still, I brushed it off and climbed in bed. 

After I had been laying there for a while in the dark, too unnerved to rest, even after my roommate had fallen asleep, I heard the door click open, the lock unshackling instantly. The man from earlier, bathed in the darkness, with flashes of light creeping through my blinds washing over his demented grin, approached my bed. He grabbed my neck and squeezed as hard as possible. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I could only lay there. I attempted to move, willing all of my strength towards hitting a wall and alerting my roommate, but my weak pats were soundless. I sucked in as much breath as I could manage and squeaked out, "please, help", which broke me from the spell. I awoke, breathless and shaking, heart racing, in my bed. My roommate still lay sleeping. The door was locked. I pinched myself. It wasn't real.

I've always been an insomniac, although my most common symptoms include an inability to fall asleep, and a tendency to restlessly toss around. I would not consider myself to be the type that suffers from nightmares, although I often get them when I am under intense stress. This usually applies to test season, which I am unfortunately undergoing in university, and periods of physical illness, including an especially terrifying time a few years back when I got COVID, which made me claustrophobic to a degree that I feel even to this day. I think the nightmare I had last night may have been my body trying to tell me something is wrong. Combined with the feeling of weight on my chest, a prickle in my throat, and the headache I have been nursing for several days, I would say that the message is unnecessary. I am aware something is brewing, thanks to my immune system. A psychological horror is not something I need to be aware of my physical condition at this time.

I often wake myself up from dreams by needing to flip over or adjust, but I will rarely have a nightmare that makes me call for help or yell in my sleep, which I suppose is why I have been dwelling on it all day. It took me forever to get my chest to quit pounding enough to go back to sleep, and I was so nervous that I ended up huddled under my comforter from toe to tip, completely covered, like a child. When I questioned my roommate about it in the morning, they claimed not to have heard me calling for help, although they did mention that I have a habit of whimpering occasionally in my sleep. I was not aware of this, but my family has a habit of sitting up and sleepwalking. My twin often finds herself upright at night, and when we shared a room, I would frequently awake with a feeling of being watched, only to discover her sitting and staring at me, eyes closed, fully asleep.

My bad dreams tend to come in clusters. I had a dream about my childhood home last week, an event that usually leaves me disoriented and emotional for the day (making the timing unfortunate. My midterms are less than stellar), and this nightmare came last night. I would not be surprised if I had a similarly distressing dream tonight. Thankfully, I have few responsibilities tomorrow. If I am unable to rest, it should be alright. I can sleep in late.