Him

I got way too scared to talk to him or really even talk to him. I really have this kid but I have 0 balls when it comes to trying to talk to him so yeah. That didn't go well. Also this happened today, He did some flirty things around Nat and I asked him if he liked her and he told me no. He also said this, "Why do you keep asking if I like Nat and like she even asked me if I liked you. Like what the hell?". I'm really curious about what he said to that question, he probably said no. Maybe he likes a guy in another class, maybe I'm just overthinking everything like normal. I have no clue I love this kid but I'm too big of a bitch to be loved back or to talk to people. And here I go again, going back down the way I was just going from. I feel like I kinda wanna put myself out there but in the same way being too out there can cause really big issues and todays issue is I really want to talk to him and I can't. And I might be super fucking crazy and be making all of this up but he made another comment to me today and he said something about people in this room wanting to fuck me. That confused me so much, it's like he knows that he likes me but doesn't want to say anything to me about it because he's scared of getting disowned or something. I keep feeling like it's never the right moment to ask him out or to talk to him. I miss having the false confidence so I was able to ask guys out but now it only happens for girls. It's so much easier with girls because I mean like, I don't know why it's easier to talk to them rather than guys but yeah I guess I just need to keep talking to him. I really want to talk to him more but he's like me, a really dry texter and that really keeps making things hard on me and makes me not wanna talk to him. It's probably what he wants me to do. I feel like he's so done with me and everything is making him hard to talk to but in the same way you can tell that he's somewhat attracted to me because of the way that he talks to me and the shit he lets me get away with but in the same way he shows me ways that he might hate me or that he might end up just wanting to be friends with benefits. I have no fucking clue who this kid likes and I honestly think I'm gonna ask him soon. Maybe get it out of the way I have no clue. I asked mans what he was gonna tell me earlier, and he told me he didn't remember, probably because he's been high off of his ass since he got home. Speaking of I really want to hang out with him, just me and him but that shit's awkward so I would need Nat and her boyfriend to be with us. But Nat keeps fucking with me while around him like super badly. I'll be sitting next to her normally and then she'll just randomly scoot my chair closer and closer to his and like halfway into class my chair was right up against him. I also really want to talk to him more though, he kept looking at me during class and I just can't help but look at a person when I think about them so it was us doing that our entire JROTC period. And then on the bus, he even looked and waited to see where I was sitting to sit down. He sat across from me on the bus and talked to me. For like half of the bus ride he like zoned out on me high as hell and was just looking at me without saying anything. I had asked him about everything and he just told me that he was okay and that it was nothing or like most times, he would just make a random noise after me. but Yeah I have a straight obsession with this kid.