New school and crying ya salame

Almost a month ago school started but for me it just started right now I cannot really explain why cuz bavarian german school system is complicated but from what I can tell, is that I am currently (trying) to attend 11th grade. 

I also have now completely new classmates, on which I befriended some but I will tell you about it later. Anyways, my class is so tiny, and the worst thing that could possibly happen to me is, almost everyone knows each other. And I am bad at befriending a whole group, so either searching my people or befriending someone who is not in a group or similar, is limited. I am friends with people from my class that are unfunny and cold, but at least I am not alone right? 

I cried, right before I wanted to go to sleep. I mean theyre nice to me and we talk and are able to laugh together, but something about them doesnt really let me go, like there is a voice saying I should befriend someone else or not hang out with them. To be honest, I barely even know them, I make up Images in my head, how they could be. I always try telling myself that theyre just school friends and it doesnt really matter how much we talk cuz we just see each other at school and no more. So I am going partying for the first time on friday, so lets see how it goes, hope I can make actual friends, like friends I can go out with and hang out. 

Okay I might just get my period soon, so maybe thats because I was crying, but thats okay! Cry, cry so much, just let it all out. Why hide it and pretend not to cry when u can just let the tears run down ur face and free ur mind. Why wants society to tell us, how to control ur emotions, we cannot control them, we just feel like crying and to feel better, we cry. Like I had friends, who got annoyed or even talked shitty about me when I started crying. They couldnt even express any feelings to anyone and then wanted to edcuate me on how to controll myself? Lan, look at urself!!!! 

Yall I am getting angry and its escalating so I will stop writing, hopefully I will find some nice friends and my skincare flow, because I havent done my skincare for days because I am depressed and my skin is dying (literally its red)

Ntm 💫 -Blind [05.10.2022]