10/4/22

I go to camp tomorrow. I’m fucking dreading it so much. It sucks to see people having fun while you’re not at school, but holy fuck I don’t know how I’m going to handle 3 fucking days. Maybe I’m making too big a deal out of this. School used to be so much more fun than it is now. I have some friends. Most people don’t hate me. It’s just so annoying to laugh along with their jokes. I love them, I really do, but it’s so tiring. I’ve stopped using TikTok. I haven’t deleted it or anything, I just am so tired of hearing peoples voices all day. I read too much fanfiction. Anyways, my grandmother’s funeral is Friday. I hate funerals, but at least nobody expects me to be happy there. I read a fanfic yesterday (gabliam) about soul ties, and now I’m jealous. Everybody talks about how slow the school day goes by, but I kind of wish it were longer. I hate being alone with my thoughts. I don’t even sleep anymore. I’ve slept a total of maybe 6 hours in the last week. I hope nobody catches on. I hate my current routine, but being in a psych ward is so much worse. Not only is it freezing cold and people don’t leave you alone, they don’t let you listen to music. I couldn’t live without music. I wonder if this is what Pete Wentz went through. I think about him too much. Maybe I just find comfort in him being just like me. I think I’d make a great tortured artist troupe, if I wasn’t such a shitty musician. Oh well. I’m trying to get better. I hate the sympathy I get from my friends when I tell them about things. Anyways I’m out of time

-rozzy