Everyone and everything is annoying- Entry 18

3rd week back at college and I already want to lock myself in my room. Fuck this shit everyone is either rude or annoying or both. People are so full of themselves to the point that they don't even see anything wrong with it or that they don't even realise they are being self-absorbed cunts. I'm so behind in all of my subjects its driving me insane. There's even someone in class that's constantly trying to compete with me and I'm honestly so done at this point. It's so hard to try and be confident when you constantly feel dumb. To make matters worse everyone is growing up. Im 18 in a month and I'm dreading it. I don't want to grow up I just want to pause time. Oh and I also feel super alone. I'm kind of waiting for the time I get my person and ik that sounds cringy but its true. I have never really met someone that I resonate with, ever. Just when I start to think I have they turn out to be total strangers to me. I've yet to be in a relationship or to even kiss someone. Surely someone can imagine how lonely it is to put a face on for everyone only to go home and sit in the darkness until it all repeats. Sometimes all I ever want is to be left alone too. I just want everything to go silent for 5 minutes or so. I just want a break. 

I have another job interview tomorrow, hopefully I wake up feeling more motivated. I might go to the gym too. I kinda miss going. I think im going to try and keep pushing.