My life

I sob every single evening when I get home from school. Sometimes I have a reason to, like someone was bothering me all day, or I have the sinking feeling of my reality set in again. But sometimes, I have no reason to. Sometimes I just cry and feel bad for myself because I don't know what else to do. It just seems natural to weep at that point, because every day it's something new. And above everything in my life, I hate change. I hate the newness of the morning, and the feeling that every second I'm alive is just another step into the future. 

I'm running while they're walking. They laugh and sneer, because it's funny right? To them, it's funny. To me, it's reality. I'm running because I have to complete two, three, four miles while they walk one. "Why do I have to; why am I doing this?" I ask myself as they chuckle behind me. It is because to survive, to strive exist, I have to push harder than everyone else, I have to run the extra mile, or two, or three, or four, just to be on their level. Just to breathe the same air as them. But something in me makes me stop running, just for a minute. "I don't want to run anymore, I don't even want to walk," I tell myself, "My legs are weak! My heart is tired! I need water, I need to stop!" And deep down inside, my gut is telling me that if I stop, if I slow down, if I take the break I need, then I will break. And my legs start moving again, so I start running again. Back down the circle track, over and over and over again. One, two, three, four times more than everyone else. I still can't catch up to them. I will never be as good as them. This world doesn't want to see me strive, it wants to see me die.

-Caden