It was revealed to me a few weeks ago that some concerning things happened to me when I was a child. I don't know what I would label it. Perhaps being sexually taken advantage of. I know that I do not remember it. I know that there has been multiple recalled incidents of this happening from family members. I don't know to the extent of what happened. I don't know if he went further. The unknowing ... » Continue Reading
No, it's not cold anymore. Maybe it had never actually been cold, maybe I was just imagining it. A faint silhouette to the person I was and should be now. A mask to portray feeling and empathy. A mask buried under the rubble of this empire. I fall just as so many others have. You will always think that you are better than them until you too, trip. All it takes is a pebble under your wheel to throw... » Continue Reading
The problem I seem to face with antidepressants is that they strain me from my ability to cry. I have so much that I just want to let out. They won't let me let it out. Stability straining on my back, pulling me back up. Making me feel like the world isn't crashing down around me. As all my friends drift away, I eat in the library, and I sit blandly next to them as they do their best to pretend I'... » Continue Reading
I spend my lunch in the Library now, alone. I covered up our tattoo with a pretty botchy looking rose, nice. I still talk to some of the people I hung out with when I was her friend, nice. I distance myself, nice. We argue, annoying. I block her on everything, relief. I cry one night, but cant feel anything the next, confused. I'm friendly to people, happy. People are friendly to me back, happy. T... » Continue Reading
I'm really sick. Its not just me, it was never just me. I feel bad for myself. I think they feel bad for me too. I don't care that I do. I hate that they do. Why do they think they have the right to pity me? Idiots, mindless idiots. Although, I think I'm the bigger idiot in the end. I'm the idiot for not being able to change my fate. I deserve to die. » Continue Reading
I really hate that I'm a guy. I'm a guy that's in the body of a girl and wishes he could be a girl. So do I just want to be me, do I just want to be normal? I am a man, but if I had the choice, If I could choose I would be a pretty girl. I would be pretty. It would be easier if I was a girl. I wish I had that choice. » Continue Reading
They're trying to be nice, they really are. They just don't get it. They don't understand the pain. They don't hear the voice. They are better than me, just for existing. I am a worm surrounded by birds. And they're all hungry. All the time. Which is particularly sad because I love birds. But I guess I always love the things that hurt me. And the voice won't stop. And the birds keep pecking. But I... » Continue Reading
I sob every single evening when I get home from school. Sometimes I have a reason to, like someone was bothering me all day, or I have the sinking feeling of my reality set in again. But sometimes, I have no reason to. Sometimes I just cry and feel bad for myself because I don't know what else to do. It just seems natural to weep at that point, because every day it's something new. And above every... » Continue Reading
I used to be on a decently steady work out schedule, but recently I've been slacking off.. Usually I focus on upper-body strength, because its what I lack the most. Currently at 5 pushups before my arms give out (horrible because not even 2 months ago I could do about 15-20 no breaks.) Will update next week w/ my progress :P » Continue Reading
So, I made it. I made it to High School. I don't know if I'm supposed to be thrilled or not. I don't really think I'm, well, anything. Not happy, not really sad. More of a neutral, bland feeling. Its been like that for as long as I remember, though. I can definitely see the growth I've gone through. The progress I've made. I've grown a lot. I'm not nervous anymore. I'm bolder. I'm better. And I'm ... » Continue Reading
Word can not describe my emotions rnn. I'm so jealous of every emo couple. I WANT AN EMO BF SO BAD I STG why can I just be in a romantic relationship with my emo bf and we can be gay and emo togethr!!!.?.!!.???! Sobbimg pLease hmu » Continue Reading
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