09/19

09/19

I have this sick feeling, My stomach twists every time I think of it. it's like I don't deserve to be loved in a way. I had this terrible habit of moving on from people in relationships because i'd be bored so fast, I thought it was over but I was wrong. unfortunately, today is me and this guy's  6 month anniversary. I should be happy but I feel bad. I got Wizz again to feel something because lately I haven't been complimented as much as I used to. Guess that was a bad decision. I met this guy, His name is Patrick. He's nice and he always butters me, but I know he wants me because I look like a girl, which I'm not upset about, I love that. We agree to meet up this Wednesday, I'm happy but kinda upset, not of my actions but because I want to be his center of attention. This morning was weird, maybe I grew clingy to him because of this weekend. You know what I like about Meeting someone new in a romantic way, the honeymoon phase. I miss that phase. I miss being buttered up and being told "You're pretty" and "You're cute" maybe I want to live in this fantasy of happiness and sunshine. I can't see myself fully committed, Not Married, and most definitely not have kids (I can't deal with kids LOL). I've accepted in a way that I'm gonna be like this forever until I'm too old to be in the dating scene. It's kinda sad but It's the truth and I have to deal with it. Not sure what's gonna happen this week, I'm worried. I'm really worried. Patrick makes me feel good, but who knows after Wednesday. I kinda see myself as a Sl*t at this point, can never be loved, just want the attention, little s*xting and more. Don't usually go to the actual sex part but who knows. I'm sick like I said. I can't see myself truly in love. I'm the fucked up person. I kinda wish I could settle but I like change when it's time for me to move on. Goodbye for now, Morgan