Entry #015 - A Care Bear

Life has got me feeling so, so discouraged lately. 

My current job has been draining the life out of me, and I've got one week left before I'll begin my new one. It's going to be a headache trying to sort the paperwork and documentation when I re-qualify for food stamps and government health care because I'm cutting my income in half with this new job. However, I am also getting married in just 3 weeks, so I will have to sort it all out AGAIN because filing taxes as a married couple changes everything. I'm also struggling to afford monthly payments on a camp trailer that I can't seem to sell. Potential buyers keep backing out and wasting my time. On top of that, I'm having beef with the taxi service in my city, which is my only transportation for the next five days. It's expensive and mentally exhausting. 

Despite all the negative things beating me down, I'm trying to stay afloat by spending quality time with good people. Last night my fiancé and I invited another couple over to play a nerdy tabletop game, and we had such a nice time. We drank fruity beers, ate Halloween candy, rolled dice and laughed together until 2:00 in the morning. My friend also gave me a cute pink bear that she won in a claw machine because she knew it was perfect for me. 

I'm actively trying to appreciate the good things occurring in my life, but it's difficult when the bad things are so big and loud in my mind. My depression has made a return and it feels like a weighted ball that has attached itself to me, holding me down. I hope it eases up in a month or two. 

September 17, 2022 | 1:00 PM PST