Groomed (TRIGGER WARNING)

hey so I was groomed by a 17 (now 18 year old)when I was 12 (just turned 12 2021,now 13 2022)

I didn't know at the time that it was wrong. He told me it was normal. When I was 12 he would ask for favors and I never did them. usually I faked or made up an excuse not to. but he kept  pushing.  Later after a month, we were on call. he said I love you, and told me he had a girlfriend but likes me too. so he suggested we were a secret and would be friends with "benefits". soon after that. We mastered on call. Or at least he did. I never did. and he didn't know I faked doing it  because I never turned on my camera. I tried so hard to reason that it was fine. that he still loved me because it was normal that he was in a relationship with someone else and still loved a little girl. But it was wrong. Later on I watched a video. (below is the link) I realised it was wrong. and that's what was happening to me. I didn't want to admit it but i felt like I was trapped because of him. I told my friend. (now she isn't my friend and keeps using that against me as in telling me its my fault and saying I forced him into doing "stuff" with him. when he actually made me do it) I was so uncomfortable and was so confused. his words don't match his actions. but he was older. told me he loved me and my body was so good. He meet me on VR. told me that I was just so cute. after that it was 3 months of denial of what was happening. that video is still in the back of my head. also my gut and sense of morality was telling me something was wrong. so i blocked him.

I haven't seen him since. but it still affects me. I was with him for 5 months in total. and I feel like sharing this will help me move on all the way. to heal. tank you for reading :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEivufW2IWs