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when your not depressed you forget what it feels like
i always go through the same cycle
i'm happy this will last forever and without outside events triggering an emotions i won't ever feel sad again!
why do i feel so numb
oh i'm depressed again
it feels like i'll be stuck forever in this rotting state
repeat
and i know it's silly but no matter what my mindset is never this is a cycle you will loop back
it's always just this is forever
depression is also different from sadness
it immobilizes and turns off every emotion receptor in my brain other than sad and bored
and then im sad because im bored
no energy no emotions just a husk of a human rotting from the inside out
i know i've been happy before
i was happy just a few days ago
but i don't remember what it's like to feel that happiness
i can only feel nothing
i wanna talk to people but nothing comes out of my mouth
i wanna draw but my hand doesn't move
i wanna watch something but i never press play
i just can't do anything
other that deteriorate till my brain boots up the system again and i can feel anything other than nothing
toodles4now
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