stress dreams

I cant recall the earliest example of these dreams, but I do remember last year's dream pretty clearly. I was in a large atrium with a slanted skylight roof, running to go find different classes. Instead of stairs to higher floors of whatever building I was in, the floor slanted upward into a large ramp that you had to climb, with hallway openings carved into the walls to leave the atrium on different floors. It was a bright white glare from the sunny sky above, and people milled around and climbed the ramp to get to their different classes. I was going into freshman year at the time, so this part made sense. My highschool, and the school I was going into at the time, had a similar styled atrium, although the visuals and size were scaled different enough that it only emulated my highschool, and couldnt be recognized as it. At the time, I scaled the ramp, and walked into one of the hallways to find myself back in my 8th grade wing, which was at my middle school. I frantically tried to go into different rooms to make it back to highschool, but I couldnt find my way around. Eventually, I made it out, but found myself on the top floor, which was for seniors in the dream. I was so confused and embarressed, and got yelled at by different teachers. Then the dream ended.

For this year's dream (which I had 2 nights ago), I had a new instance of this dream. The classes were styled more similar to my elementary school, but the hallways looked like my current highschool. Highschool kids went in and out of the classrooms, sitting at tiny desks too small for them. In one class, a math class, kids next to me were fooling around, and the teacher paused to walk out and get coffee or something. Suddenly, kids started screaming at the tops of their lungs, yelling really fucking loud. It was an auditory overload. In recent years, Ive learned that I get really dysregulated when in loud places, as loud sounds for a long time can be overstimulating to me more than the average person. I think it might have to do with my ADHD and perceiving my senses differently than the neurotypical person, but I digress. 

Back in the dream, I tried reasoning with the students around me, saying that they could try fooling off a little quieter, and that we would probably get in less trouble that way. They didnt listen, still screaming at the tops of their lungs, grinning like idiots. I tried leaving the room and going to other classes to get help, but nothing worked. Then, when I came back in, and resigned myself to my seat to wait until the period ended, the teacher came back in, and all the kids went silent. The teacher started yelling at the kids, at me, saying how bad they are and disobedient and despicable. We were all, including me, written up, and given the lowest grade for the semester. Oh, and did I mention that in these days it was always supposed to be the first day of school? I felt so fucking guilty, and trudged off to my next class.

When I left, I kept running through the halls, trying to find my next class. But I couldnt find it, and then I forgot what class I was looking for, and when I tried to check my phone to find my schedule the text on the phone was unreadable. So i was running around the halls for the longest time until the bell finally rang, meaning I skipped a class on my very first day. Hell, I've never skipped a class, but after a moment of worrying about it I decided to figure it out and apologize when I got home and to just make sure I made it to my next class, which I luckily did know how to reach. When I arrived though, the teacher was reminding all of the students that a project was due (bare in mind this is still the first day of school) and students without their projects would fail the class. I checked through my bag, and discovered that I had left the folder with my project back in the class with the screaming teacher. So I had to ask for a hall pass and inturrupt the teacher checking projects, navigate the maze of winding hallways and staircases back to my first class, and when I arrived to ask for my folder the teacher started screaming because she recognized me from the unruly class and freaked the fuck out at me. 

So I wasnt allowed into the class to grab my stuff, so I just sat outside, sitting against the lockers, crying, unsure of what to do. I decided to just skip the class where I needed the project, because Id get in trouble anyways if I went back, and just sat outside the first classroom, while students in the hallways walking between classes glared at me and shamed me for cutting class. Then, the dream ended.

So, if I had to analyze this dream, Id say a majority of the anxiety was caused because of my experience in Freshman year where I had a medical crisis halfway through the year. The rest of the year, I had to miss classes and go to the nurse's office or to Guidance on a schedule plan or when I felt unwell, which was a little awkward and unnatural for me. The "yelling" students issue could be a callback to when I had a manic episode during the medical crisis and talked back to a teacher (i didnt end up getting in trouble and apologized repeatedly after class, but still it left an impression on me). The whole part of "missing my project" is because last year I was very disorganized and missed a lot of work, having to make it up later. Overall, a lot of facets of this dream can be understood or interpreted into interesting conclusions! I thought it might be pretty cool to share this weird thing that happens to me, and I hope you had a good time reading. Until next time! :)

-Dio