To be 13 again - entry whatever

Ive been feeling all kinds of strange these past few weeks. I don't think its good either. I'm in like some nostalgia rabbit hole or something. But I rlly miss being 13. I was in year 8 (the best year), I didn't have to worry about working or essentially my future. My friends weren't toxic. Theres this one who I genuinely believed was my go-to person. I felt like they understood my thoughts but now I feel like im totally against them and that they're against me. We used to hang out a lot and we even had this hang out spot were we'd sit and eat snacks for like hours. They've changed though, I can feel it. Its only on some occasions where its feel like they understand what I'm talking about but Its all the time I feel like slipping away. it sucks. Life is getting more complicated and now I have real- life shit to worry about and I really hate it. I really hate growing up, I hate convincing myself that everythings okay. I feel like this feeling is out of control. No matter how many times I cry about it or come to terms with it I still feel like shit. The world is changing and it sucks. My friends are turning into adults and it sucks Every memory is getting foggier and the only way I can get through my day is if I cling onto a nostalgic feeling or a memory of when things were good enough. if I think too far into childhood it almost feels too unrealistic because hardly anything was too complicated or too far into reality. When I was 13 things were great, not perfect but really good and in a weird way thats what made it perfect. Fuck this growing up shit im not ready. I dont want to be ready but if I dont catch up what the fuck will I have left. I want someone to read this and to completely understand so I dont feel like im on my own on this one bc I rlly rlly do. I think whats difficult is that I have no solution for this problem this time. It'll pass maybe. ill update soon.