TW ABUSE?

I hate that I’m not supposed to talk about how my sibling abused me for years because they’re mentally ill. Nobody lets me talk about it without reminding me he has it worse. And maybe he does, I don’t know, but I got treated as nothing but something for them to take their anger out on for my entire childhood. And I’m still supposed to be ok with it. they at least partially contributed to my mental illness, and yet he’s still more important. I never even got a single apology. And now that he learned not to abuse me in front of my parents, he’s “changed” and I should forgive him. He has acted the same since the day I gained consciousness. Why am I not aloud to be mad? To be angry? To be hostile to my brother who put me through years of bruises to hide, and secrets to keep? I’m just supposed to forget? When I can’t sleep so many nights because I think he’s going to kill me? And yet I’m the bad person for being angry? When I have sat there while he abused me for years? If I have a reaction I’m overdramatic? When the effects never wore off? When he still does the same thing?